After 23 years, I’ve announced I’m leaving my husband. I’ve known for a while, because I *also* knew I would be the only one willing to step up and say “this isn’t working”. It’s a bit surreal, honestly – and frankly? Terrifying as well. Our 14yo daughter will be moving with me, though custody will be shared. This will be the first time in a very, very, VERY long time that I’ve been 100% responsible for myself – and now our daughter.
And you know – it wasn’t any *one* thing that caused this. Rather, a series of bad choices on the part of my husband, that have – over time – snowballed into where we are now. It’s always so DRAMATIC in the movies – someone is yelling, and doors slam, and sometimes things even get thrown. But in my case, it was more a slow, quiet, painful withering of trust, respect, and eventually, love. This song is totally it, but IN REVERSE. “When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter.” – but boy, when they aren’t? All that peeling paint and shattered glass just keep adding up, until one day, you’ve realized you’re standing in a pile of rubble and no damn clue how to go about fixing it, or whether you even think it’s worth it anymore.
So, I’ll probably be doing some blogging about that off and on. Cathartic, you know. Especially during these plague times, it’s hard to gather with the girls and just be able to go off. 2 1/2 months until we move out. 23+ years of life to figure out. Holy hell.
Let the games begin.